And welcome to a writer's life. My name is Dan Black. All the other stuff. All right so look I got this thing that I do and it annoys the shit out of me. It happened this morning and it's not like this is the first time I realize that I do this thing that I hate so much but also in kind all Obama himself. And I'm hoping that I'm not the only person on the planet who does it. But this morning it is sort of broaden for me is that I could see it as a flaw in my own character. One of the many. So this morning I've been working hard on this novel. Now listen I have restarted this thing probably seven times. I cannot get the tone right I can't get the. I can get the rhythm right and I've talked about it on the show before and it was really starting to piss me off. I've been working on this thing for a year more than a year. I would get twenty five thousand words and one time I was forty thousand words and just said what the fuck am I doing. And chucked it because I couldn't stand it I couldn't stand to look at the goddamn thing and so I restarted about a month ago and I am not like it was more than two months ago. This final iteration I thought about it I just I didn't sketches I don't like to outline but I you know I wrote down some points and I was filling filling in filling with the points with with things I wanted to have happen you know. There were set in stone but I mean you know how you do you just sit down just trying to work it out. So I finally get to this sort of voice that I wanted. And there's a rhythm that I want and I've been doing it for a couple of months now. I don't know maybe seven thousand words and I do about three. Somewhere between three and seven hundred words a day. Not many. Pretty low Actually I think by most people's standards but that you know that's what I got I mean what he do. And after a few hours that's what comes out and I can't help it I try to do more but I can't. So this morning I I did I did my reading and I got up to about the halfway point in the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. And I never read it before. I always heard that it was good not a horror guy and I'm not really sure this horror whatnot yet but I know some people like to read on Halloween and it supposed to be really good so I took a crack at it it was sitting on the table there somebody had pulled it out and I just picked up start reading it and I thought in my mind rhythm maybe isn't right again and I started to beat myself over the head with a hammer going man and why do I have now I'm not trying to mimic Shirley Jackson's writing but when you know when you read certain books or maybe when you read a certain few books in a row three or three to five books in you sort of get this idea that maybe I'm not doing it right and I have this fantasy where I'm just I'm doing it my way you know this is my way but then you can't have your way be incoherent you can't have your way be shitty that's that's an excuse then you become you know like John Waters isn't like that just because it's a you know you can't call it art just because you don't know what you're doing and you call everybody else around you an idiot for not getting it that's not that's not what we're after. So I take another. Like I said I'd take another crack about seven thousand words and I'm ring the show ejected but this thought enters my mind as it does every so often most of the time I ignore it because I know I'm just being paranoid about my own writing. But today I thought well a couple of days here. I looked over to short stories that I had written before I started this new iteration of the novel and I thought wow to somehow write about the short stories maybe that maybe I'm not being clear enough in the novel form so I had to get another set of eyes on it because I've been working on it for too long. It's fairly polished I don't move on to the next chapter unless I have the previous one you know fairly polished. I tend to go back and monkey a bit as you know the plot sort of opens up for me. Which is one of the curses of writing you know by the seat of your pants they say. So I have the woman come in and say No I just take it take a look at two or three paragraphs just to see if it sounds right. She was ringing true See if you understand it and that in an account I don't mean that a condescending way I meant are my senses clear are the thoughts flowing one to another and there's some point you just you get so close to the material that you almost can't understand the sentences anymore and. Well maybe that's just me I have no idea I don't talk to other writers about this stuff that's why you that's why you're keeping me company and so I thought maybe I'm going too close to it. Step back and let me see if the rhythms there let me see if my narrative is making sense of its flight so I had to read a couple paragraphs and she reads. I'm in the kitchen and I don't know doing cocaine. So she's read in the living room and it should only take like a minute. Now she's a fast reader which pisses me off. One to make me think you're not reading every word which is a little insulting but to him really just because if I could read faster if you like to get more information to read more books. It's I'm a very slow reader and so I'm in the kitchen doing a my brand of cocaine which is eating. And it's been like you know fifteen minutes. It's only six thousand words long. I've got about another two thousand words and you know jotted down ideas but I only want to read the first page or so. So I look up and it's been a while and I go in and go. Are you still reading this and I just wanted you to read the first page of the first few paragraphs she goes. It's unbelievable it's great for you love it now of course you always have to say that but I wasn't looking for praise or looking for. I was looking for confirmation that my voice was OK because I just get too insecure it got to the point where I couldn't move on so I just you know maybe a little shot of me will encourage me it could have been a little fishing on my part you know fishing for compliments I don't know I sort analyze this later and say that this is fantastic and I said well OK And then I noticed a feeling in me. I'm not too I'm not too keen on feelings they mislead you a lot and I started just thinking about it and I got quiet and shooting with a human she she so fuckin used to me she doesn't care anymore. I can say something hilarious and she'll look at me with a blank stare because she's so used to me saying shit. And finally when one lands that is so used to it and she's to my moroseness and my you know my self-esteem problems so she does as you know what she does is what she should do just go back to her book and ignore me. And I'm thinking she had ten months and I thought to myself why. Now I don't know. And then I Why don't why don't I feel like that why do that. Why am I upset that she liked it. Not only liked it but she thought I had more appeal than anything I had written to that point and I thought Am I upset because it's pieces accessible because it's easy in that it's pure story. There's no observation there's no home hardly any detail this is I decided to go after something that's one hundred percent pure story and it does something to your narrative voice when you do that so this is why I like a lot of the confidence in writing this way and I was like oh my. I start analyzing that feeling that feeling of disappointment that it could be brought that more than maybe five people on the planet might like it and it upset me. Why was I upset at that. Why on earth would you be upset that a lot of people might like it. Now I'm not even saying I'm not saying anything about my own writing here. I'm saying I'm more analyzing my feelings about this. It could be she's way off in a just her opinion and nobody would like that. That's not the point the point is that the feeling that went through me is why am I upset at the thought of maybe writing something that's popular or or hooped who gets upset at something good like that. And I was analyzing my own feelings. But then I got down to my own philosophy and somewhere in the third grade or junior high somewhere around the time that you know Nirvana becomes popular and you really like them before they get popular you get this idea that once it gets into the mains. When that is not cool anymore. And to some degree that's true. Cool has an expected exclusivity you know something's cool if it's novel if it's new and it's not cool anymore. If everybody's doing it which is weird because we use cool to mean fashionable. And all of these terms are sort of convoluted. So I'm going to get back to the feeling of it the feeling that this is what I boil it down to doesn't mean when I twelve years old my voice is cracking. Does it mean that I'm not an artist. If everybody gets it and if that is such a fucked up idea to me it's so stupid it's dumb to think that just because a lot of people like something that is not a piece of art. And I said it may be a couple of sentences I shortened up a little bit and told the woman what I was thinking. And she goes you know just because a lot of people like it doesn't mean it's not a piece of art. And it's so obvious right I mean obviously why do I feel like that. Why don't why. What I want why I might seek to be mysterious or why why why why conflate this the sense of artistry that I think others before me had and that I don't have. And why am I trying to force my literary ideals into my own writing so that maybe I could be sabotaging myself a little bit. What exactly is it that I'm after the same thing I ask I ask it on my website. I ask it to myself nearly every day. I ask in my own writing I ask it of you. What are we after. And I ended up having to ask myself the same thing again. What the fuck am I after. Why am I seeking to alienate people who who might want to read what I have to say. Why do I do that. What is it about me. It's like you know last week I was the I called the perso the Robin Thicke of literature. Now all this I'm on the mark Marion of literature trying to get people to hate me. I dare you to like this if you listen to podcasts which is freaking fantastic you know a little bit about his character because he talks about stuff before he does the actual interview. I mean if you're one of the five people on the planet who doesn't know about Mark Mary and pod cast all into the show notes so you can go download it. Great show. You need ANY often talks about how he dares people to like him. I dare you to do this I dare you to get this you know and it's sort of this weird false sense of intellectual ism. It's part of a deeply flawed character that that makes you at once want to be liked. But like I said there's people to like you you know how far can you push somebody. Can you get somebody to hate you before they love you. And so weird thing and I don't like it I don't think it's a good thing in myself and I want to try to purge it. I think it's getting in my way. It's almost like the idea of a New York Times bestseller is anathema to me. It's like I despise it. Why would I despise that. I sure could use the fuckin money but for some. He's in the back of my mind I'm going well now. If you sell that maybe it's not so good I mean if everybody gets it how how deep Could it be how good of a job how good a job could you have done if everybody gets it. If anybody could have done it and it's a short jump right it's a short jump from everybody gets it to anybody could have done it well which is not true by the way I was talking to a friend the other day about we were talking about music and we got into this discussion of Led Zeppelin and you know the Beatles and all of that. This band called Panic at the disco had an album called pretty odd a pretty period. I thought it was a good record I liked it. Differ than anything else they had done I really like any other stuff and it was an obvious Omagh or possibly pastiche of the Beatles' era in Taishan the structure of the songs I mean just about everything was very Beatles esque right to be cliché and I told him sort of to ruin my own point about liking the record I told him you know the difficult thing is not is not playing it. You talk about doing of Jimmy Page solo and and all the solos think about people can play Bach better than Bach or motor better than most likely and playing it is not the hard part. We also were talking about the Punch Brothers too and how the newest Punch Brothers record is not so progressive it's not so. Was it difficult to play let's say if you were to play it and I thought Yeah because playing him is not difficult when you know you can do it you could just do it and there's no the challenge is in. The challenge is in coming up with. And I think that's where the art lies I think. I'm not sure I am working this out as I speak to you. I don't know exactly what I'm going to continue this sort of strain of thought and I want to talk about characters too because reading naturally Jackson's Haunting of Hill House and then I read something else which we know divergent from Egypt. They were just very different books but they did similar things and I want to talk about that and when we come back. So no doubt. Hey everybody I want to take a moment and talk about Amazon Prime. I love my Amazon Prime stream movies stream shows and you get fried two day shipping. I watch Deadwood on it continuously I love Deadwood. Love Deadwood. Fantastic show. That's why I watch it and watch movies too. And listen man the savings you get on the free shipping alone will pay for itself probably every month depending on how much you buy it on Amazon. So you can go to A.W.L. Show dot com click on the prime banner and click through and get yourself some streaming movies streaming shows in free to day shipping A.W.L. Show dot com go now right. OK so look I've been thinking about it a little bit more than once in the break and you know I'm sorry I didn't have any answers for you this is a sort of I don't know where the balance lies between art and BR. God I don't know I don't know that there is a barrier. It could be both. You know you think about guys like Saw Bello certainly not that accessible. What about James Joyce. Not accessible all the talk about Finnegans Finnegan's Wake Finnegan's Wake which you have to be baked to freaking worried. Right I mean who I don't like. I guess I could sit down with James Joyce can afford him bothers me sometimes that Ulysses is fantastic. I mean if it blows my mind. But when he writes you get you get the feeling that he's just trying to fuck with you and I don't know that I like that I don't know that being esoteric and clever in that sort of way and this is sort of encyclopedic way means a whole lot. I don't know that that qualifies as art at all just just to sort of sit on a perch and condescend to read it to your readers. I don't like that that bothers me the same thing bothers me about this. This fuckin hipster age where you talk to each other on the Internet and everybody knows fucking everything and we just assume that they have that knowledge like when you read a forum or a post or something like that. We're so trusting that they just know when really they have the universe of information at their fingertips so there is no reason to think that they know shit because all they did was tap in a few letters read a wicked Pedia paragraph and then come come back to the forum and in spite of that if that's what they knew that's what they had along along and if you really want to know something about the person you're talking TO TALK TO HIM person. I just I am so done with this. It's fucking commenting and I was all that the forums and I read them sometimes I thought man I you know maybe I'm behind I'm behind I got to go on the internet go on the friggin websites I must go on in order to be a modern. Human beings see what they have to say it is just a bunch of fucking assholes every last one of them. If whoever's spending the majority of their time on forums like fuckin read it or whatever it is. Go fuck yourself you don't know shit. And there's there's forums on writing There's forums are others comment sections and everybody sort of instructing each other and you will be one guy who comes in and everybody or gang up on him you're like fuck all I did was ask a question why is everyone shitting on him you know he happens to like that. James Patterson anythings James pears and liturgy there really is I mean the shit now you and I may know the genes Paterson's not it right or not the point the point is that you cannot be on an electronic in some kind of electronic conversation and expect to know or gather anything useful from people who may not know a goddamned thing it to them. I don't understand I guess I just I don't understand it and I'm not old. A mammal you know thirty five or six or some out of Africa. Thirties I mean I'm not that old right. Please tell me that's about it. OK M M M N get all depressed here but I really hate this sort of this is new kind of new conversation we're all having over the Internet. Like if it's something even moderately useful not useful being on forums not fucking useful. No I went onto the read it now listen if you do this I'm sorry I'm not talking about I'm not trying to get personal. I am. We're talking about culturally culturally it bothers me in on a personal level it bothers me me personally because everything is hidden the true nature of a of the person you're talking to is hidden you have no idea what they know you have no idea what kind of person they are you can't see their facial expression so you there's no way to tell if they're bullshitting you they could tell you they've had you know enormous amounts of experience and you would never know the difference and people listen to. It's like to be a pissing contest for a while you read the form your read of what it cost thread you'll read a thread and they'll be like a pissing contest for a while and a thread always starts with someone who's meekly asking the question. Let's just take writers for example. I'm having trouble you know writing this action sequence and what do you really think about it. So there always be this sort of a mild me question and then for the next page or so although just be one big pissing contest where everybody's just pulling out their cocks. Shawn I'm showing everybody how big they are in a digital sense. Probably literal sense too if you click on another Reddit page. It becomes a it becomes a black and white and you're on the white side or the back side and you'll you'll find what I mean by that. You'll have these make people asking questions and I don't mean I mean meek in the true sense where they're knowledgeable but there they may be confident but they're just asking questions. But on the Internet it comes off as weak and then you have the big guys who who sort of set themselves up on each thread as an instructor and they all sort of get to know each other and then and then it's really it's really just one big if. It's one big piece of shit it's one big lie. There's no use rooms rationed you can gain from that. You're better off listening to the tone of someone's voice or the look on someone's face when you see an interview on You Tube You know listen to podcasts and watch interviews or read books. Forms who I don't understand how it's useful I do not understand how it's useful because there's too much the shaded areas are too big and the sliver of what you get to see is is not enough to make a decision on whether the person is one telling the truth. Two has the knowledge through I don't know organic or some kind of pure acquisition meeting they didn't go you know off on the Internet. Look up the meaning of a word and then use it in their post use it in their little form post or are they going to let you know they may know nothing about Napoleon if you were talking to them face to face but if you go on to a thread about the point I'm going to look at Pedia you know maybe look at a couple other websites or come back in the form and then of the fuckin expert and if they write it in such a way all of us and they get the big dick. It's so irritating to see that happen and in one sense I think well you know who feels like a slow and there's less competition for me right. Let let the let the people who have time to be in a goddamn forum. If time to be on a formal day let the people who have time for that just let him have it. Who the fuck cares but you start ignoring one thing and then there's the you two guys who comment on You Tube and I see some of the comments on some people's videos what the value is why why does anybody waste energy why does anybody put any thought toward tearing things. Down that they don't matter. I mean if it really didn't matter if it was really that silly why even waste the calories on doing that and it sets you up to be. It's like everybody stuck in junior high and third grade like I said before. Everybody's looking for that edge. Everybody wants to look down on somebody else and I'm just sort of tired of it. You know I'm tired of it and I realize that what I'm doing right now is sort of looking down on those people and that's not my intention. My my intention is to sort of examine what we're becoming as a group of artists as writers and as a society as a country or what is happening here. Why is this happening and it affects our greatly it affects what we write about it if it affects the people who are really good writers but then now are tempted because they've gone on to a forum and somebody has told them that everything they thought about their writing is wrong they shouldn't do it that way. And look man do whatever you want do whatever you want. There was this girl on Twitter said you know I really feel like shit after I listen you're part cast but man's really encourage it keeps you writing and I told her Look I'm not you know and so many characters I said everything I say in the show. I'm saying to myself I am not trying to get anybody else to do anything. I am trying to get myself to be myself. I am trying to get my writing to be mine and also trying to block everything else out there so these frustrations that I have are not about shitty writing. It really isn't. It's about me shutting myself away from things so that I can find my own. My own voice my own storylines my own plots my own ideas you know and you can only show yourself so far from that Internet from that technology or that we all seem to be in closed in and I will like I think just about every show I know I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth. I get it I get it. This is me trying to figure shit out I don't have any answers I'm just you know like the like the quiet little mousie guy on Reddit and his asking questions. I'm wondering I'm wondering and I know there are some. If you're the guy if you're the guy who is listening to this and you can kind of pissed because you're the guy on Reddit and you're getting ready to send me an email or tell me what a fucking idiot I am and Reddit has helped you know probably likely a lot of people and you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're the guy I'm talking to you're the asshole I'm talking to who does that who who just assumes that he can rise to some sort of pinnacle of respect. Any shrouded in in the issue of the button is that their true character is not seen it's it doesn't come out it doesn't exist on the Internet it's just a bunch of typed words. There's no personality there there's no I can't see in your eyes if you're putting me on. If you truly lack confidence. But you know you're talking about. You can't tell if someone has the confidence and doesn't know what they're talking about. This is old information and I know that somebody else is probably handle this a lot better than I am now. These are just questions. I'm just wondering I'm wondering what it does to some wondering what it does to me as a writer. I'm wondering if the in the back of my head all all the internet cocksuckers are going to go wow. Please he doesn't he. He's really step up or he's not a right he's not if I can write shit I'll agree with you. I don't know what I'm doing. Every time I sit down to write I don't know what the hell I'm doing fine. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to do it. Fine I'll be at the bottom of the totem pole. I don't care I don't care anymore. I am. I do care though about the society we're building and the environment we're building for books and for for art in the future. Anybody can give a goddamn opinion and nobody will call into question that guy's opinion just because he has the right to his opinion. Well yeah you have the right to your opinion but what kind of person makes a faceless and anonymous comment on someone else's work. You know I I hope I pray that that's not what I'm doing here. I pray that this park has is an exploration of how a writer gets better from the inside out. In I realize that sometimes I illustrate through preferences and opinions what I think about things but I also hold it in the tone of my voice in hopefully in the in the general attitude that I have that you can hear some sort of sincerity in it that I am not trying to tear people down I am merely trying to set up a contrast by which I can understand this process of writing and the best way to understand something is sort of the you know put it up against its opposite and and from there I can see why I want to go. You know there is the James Patterson's of the world and the Fifty Shades of shades of shit book he edited against you and is doing it all over again. I'm as much of a hypocrite as anybody else I'm trying to figure this out please be patient with me. There's the James Patterson you know James over here and then there's the guys I want to be like there's this new James Joyce having ways all Belo over here and there. They couldn't be farther apart from each other but you sort of have to take him one in each of your hand and look at them and go OK well obviously I want to be more towards the saw Bella side but I wouldn't mind so much you fuckin books too. So where am I where in what do I want to do it's back to the question what the fuck do I want with this what I want but do you want. All right enough of the fucking right I mean some sort of mood today. You know I'm in some sort of mood is something really set me off and then the whole thing with the reading this morning and sort of getting down on myself for possibly wanting to write something popular but afraid that it won't be I don't know I don't know but I will tell you this. While she was reading my work the woman was I was in the kitchen doing my brand of cocaine like I said but I was reading a book. The guy's last name is Burger B E R G E R. I don't not remembers first name the name of the book was nine it was just the number nine on the front cover by Burger it won the Booker Prize I believe I should have looked it up but I didn't know going to talk about this when I came in and I started reading and I go holy shit this guy can write is this is great but in the show now it's a link to it. This guy can't really fucking write and I was just like there's books laying all over the house so I just picked up that one while I was eating and started to read it and I was in the middle. Like I said of the heart. House Hill house pricing there are and the books couldn't be farther apart and this goes to the point of contact contrasting things and finding out where you want to go. On the one hand I read about ten or fifteen pages of this book called Mind by Berger and I had was also in the midst of reading Haunting of Hill House. The storytelling was vastly hugely different massively different yet they had an element of similarity in that was the the characters were not physically moving in their space meaning I have no idea what they what they did. What happened in these two books was I was able to see what happened to them in their pasts and the situations that they are currently in. And that is so much different. Let's say we have a professor at a school and he became good friends with the head of the English department and it was the head of the English department that introduced him to his. The girl he would marry his future wife. Now that might take a couple of sentences. Shirley Jackson and him both wrote in that fashion. And I notice that the airport readers the airport books and the popular books you know that the books will sell ten million copies won't do that at least they won't do it that effectively they will say. The college professors call them Johnny Johnny walked in to a university classroom. And then we'll get a chapter on him teaching a class or a few paragraphs on him teaching the class and then the head of the English department picks his head in the door and they have this conversation and then the head of English department says you should really meet Sally and and they have said they meet you know and then they headed off and in the half or more dates and over the period of five chapters We'll find out what happens to the college professor and the girl he would marry and how the head of the English department is sort of involved. But instead of doing that the better writers will just say that the head of the English department in addition to Sally who later became his wife. Two sentences two sentences to cover what six months of time two months of time. That's what they will do and I think I've talked about this before I should really keep track of what I talk about. But I felt there is this thing that you do isn't as a writer where you are pulling back and you go over the series of events that are important but the detail is sparse. We simply glance over them and we jump in time from sense of sentence because it's not it's important to the character but it's not important to let's say the plot or the story. And as things get more important and more current let's say the English Professor I'm sorry the college professor Mary Sally and they have kids and one of the kids is born with autism and it's there. The book is really about their relationship as it as it's trained by the kid with autism. When we get closer to the real conflict which is them trying to understand each other in the midst of a sick child then we get more detailed then we start to know what fights are about then we start to know what was. Run across the room. Who he cheated on who he cheated with on her and how she is seeking comfort in pills or something like that. The pretty cliche story but of the top of my head and then we start to get down to the details the details of what kind of pill she's taking when she takes him. Who is he sleeping with. Why is he sleeping with her. Where does he meet her. What kind of sexual moves that he like you know how does he like to have sex. What does it remind him of and then we start getting into the details. It was so many not only beginning but should I do it all the time to I got to catch myself doing is that you get into the details into the workings and do the gestures and to the he walked in he he saw and all that sort of playing sort of senses you get into all of that at the beginning and that's not the place for a draw back. Move backwards and be sure that your story has thousands of events that we just sort of glance over and give you the feeling of history gives you the feeling of they are similar to to win over the course of a paragraph you condense someone's life of two years. It takes a lot of skill it is really difficult to do well but it can be done. And I notice that the best writers do it so no matter what style you have Shirley Jackson had a very plain sort of anachronistic Victorian way of writing which is just it's it's exhausting. I think she wrote Haunting of Hill House and eighty eighty or eighty one maybe was before that I don't know maybe on on talking about but I think I think it was written in the eighty's and everybody who's talking has a weird Victorian way of speaking. Nobody would speak like that in one nine hundred eighty is not it's not OK but the story is great. You know when we take these longer. Dancing blows out three or four paragraphs and we really get to know what these characters are doing what they're into. And he didn't take a hundred pages. It took a couple of paragraphs. And if you're having trouble getting people into your story getting your characters in. As for export I think I would say this is the way to sort of look at it. If your characters are opening opening up in a room talking about something that very interesting nothing is happening nothing's happening. We're talking in a room there's people talking in a room and as boring as boring because there's no event there's no history. And I'm not saying give me more bang bang is that meaning and I say have explosions go off in the first page that's not what I'm saying. But what I am saying is that something is happening internally externally. There's something that gets the rock rolling down the hill to start crushing the things in its path and the things that it crushes in its path. That's your story the things out the things lying on the outside the bushes the don't get touched. Maybe the wind created by the walk or the rock that sort of blows by maybe moves a leaf or a twig. Not so much part of the story the things that it runs over your story and no matter who it is the guy who won the Booker Prize or Shirley Jackson the horror writer or Stephen King or Saul Bellow all of these people do the same thing. That's what the best writers do whether they're popular or not be will give you a super can danced a paragraph just full of information and what the writer does is he goes Oh I'm not sure if everybody will remember it if I just you know put it in. But in four senses but you do because you remember it you know you remember Tom Sawyer right. Do you remember exactly what Tom Sawyer did. Do you remember the description of his house or what his the way anything worked. Do you remember how he walked. Do you remember what he said. I don't but you remember that he got other people to paint to whitewash the fence right. That part you remember you remember the history in the situation. You don't remember movements you don't even remember dialogue that much you remember situation and history. It's the weirdest thing because it's not the tale we think you know feel your story with details well OK sometimes that's appropriate. It's most appropriate when you get down to the most important thing. So details important when the thing that's happening is really important the story. But as we narrow down to that point or we have this critical thing that's going to happen as we get to that page you know well you know one hundred or one twenty that sets everything in motion. I mean the world falls apart as we head through that towards that point. The details getting narrower and narrower and narrower and there are these places of broad history there's these places of glancing blow as of what happened over the period of a year or a few days that we don't need to see. But will give us a feeling a very similar to it and that's what we're seeing. What we're seeking. All right so that's why I learned so I really hope that that was helpful A.W.L. show is the Web site. I decided that I'm going to start posting just little thoughts you know every few days and really put more of my intention in to the Web site because I realize that I don't have a whole lot of. I don't have enough time. Here my not my focus is not narrow enough here but there are things that come out that come up throughout the day that I want to sort of get out and put on that first pitch So either we will show dot com And Dan at eight of you all show that com If you'd like to get ahold of me when you're writing questions we get it. We had Twitter over there. It's a writer's life. Pod I had a writer's life pause at the writer's life right. Right but if you search for a writer's life it'll show up there or you can go to your A.W.L. Show dot com click on the little fucking Bluebird I mean it's red but I'm on there once in a while I just sort of got the hang of it you know so I'll try to. Sometimes conversations go by and I don't realize some He's talking to me because I don't recognize the format and so I feel like the problem is you know I promise I don't care. I promise I don't care and I have to try to care. This is all sort of like a Goodbye Columbus syndrome where I'm trying to get people to hate me. I guess I don't know. And I her family her family they're all right that they sing it to me this is the end right.